Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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