Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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