Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
