shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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