she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
