I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
