On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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