i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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