i was born a porn star she said
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
