The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize