If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
