My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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