he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
