How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
