I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
