on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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