I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
