You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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