Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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