Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
