Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
