Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
