My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
