I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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