Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
