dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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