Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
