I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
