remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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