I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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