Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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