I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
