Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
