I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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