we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
