shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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