I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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