Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
