:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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