she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
