she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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