i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize