At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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