The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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