I have demons in me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
