a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
