He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
