Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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