I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
