Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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