We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
