last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
