The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
