singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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