I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize