in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
