This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
