This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
