love makes seman taste better
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
