he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
