Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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