my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
