We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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