He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
