if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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