I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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