Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
