I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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