I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize