do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
