when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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