Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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