Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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