Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
