Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
