Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
