pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have aggressive nipples.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
