oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
