I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
