Will you blow on my dice?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
