Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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