Yo dont text me then not text me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
