I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
