We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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