Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
