Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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