I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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