So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
