you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
