I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
