What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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