i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
