people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
