She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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