Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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