Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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