I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
