I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
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