Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
