he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
